A one Change For Ever

Time is feeling so slow to go by, for i just have a shower god after quite some time being and feeling dirty and miserable, i'm thinking of you moira, unfortunately you dont want to do some little just for help nothing more.
And so it seems i won't be here for quite some time now since i'll be starting a long and painful process from next monday 9th of April 09'.
Yes, again, indeed @ Dar L'Impenn for an unevitable sic Detoxification from Methadone and Heroin altogetherand then from there i move out on the 16th of February 09' to go to Oasi escorted on a drowsy Ship leaving Malta by sea to go to Gozo!. That day I'll have to wake up early from sleep if i do sleep and get the 7:30am Ship destination Gozo to be there, visited by a Doctor at 8:15am and therfore start The 6 months or more Rehabilitation Therapeutic Program.
So then once started I will spend the first intense three months as Residential with the obvious rule of not leaving out of the place for any reason, and then spend the next 3 other months as a semi residential at the half way house with the difference of being able to be kind of trusted to leave the place on your own or with other residents. The Oasi Program is based on the twelve steps and evidentially we also Have N.A. meetings twice a week. The first seven weeks are very intense. The first week or maybe two weeks, I'll be having still some side effects and withdrawal symptoms due to the Detoxification. but i know for sure even cause of prior experiences i had in the 8 years being a Junky, that with several sessions per day with a psychologist, key worker and carers and my personal counsellor Tania i will be able to fill my mind with positive toughts instead of wasting time thinking the same wrong things over and over again.
There's even one thing in particular i will really like at oasi instead of other places is the early morning walk which will mentally help me to the rest of the day for sure.
I am seriously really looking forward to do it this time , cause now it's been a long time since i'm overbored repeating the same hard routine for years. I say to myself that i know i have to do it, and i will surely do it and stay clean for the rest of my life for a simple reason that is i just dont want even for free to repeat just one minute of that junky life, Cause i just want to Own my beautiful life back, start making music again and keep a decent job and forget all the things i had to go through to fix myslef every damned junky day. I want to live and be free and content even with nothing! It's Just I don't want that addiction back!! I've wasted many years. Now i'm sure and looking forward to make every single second of my life free to dol all the nice things i want to any time i want to!!!

Darren Gatt
Band: TOTEMA.

a grievous abandon

Grievous Abandon

I will die in coughs,burn out and cry,...
see my eyes and i'm saved forever,
I wish your eyes let me die together.
With your cries, i waved that night', and you said t'll be all right,
you're the other half of my heart, and still
The next day i felt alone, and i tried to own back home,
but last night i didnt know,
I had to lust and hear just no,
for when i was 21 you saved me from death, 22 was i found my true love and from 23 i lost my life.
( she left me by the knife, without life. she's my dream' promised be my wife and mother of our child.
But today i need her help.
I'm being hurt and being threat
and this is matter of life or death,
but your help... i just can't get,
cause for you... as if i'm dead and more useless, and was worthless,
for you i'm nothing,
Stupid like an old ring, a dying patient, an enthusiast boring,
A love and a feeling to forget .. and much regret

Darren Gatt
Totema